Back in the 70s, we were regularly assaulted by TV commercials for K-Tel records…you know, those hyperactive ads where the announcer sounded like he just freebased a gallon of Tang. Even as a kid I knew it was a scam. If some guy in a velour suit was that excited about “20 Original Hits! 20 Original Stars!” you could bet at least 14 of those stars were already working part-time at a Sizzler.

The only ads more bewildering were the ones breathlessly promoting the “Greatest Hits” of Boxcar Willie and Slim Whitman. We’d sit there staring at the TV like, “Who in the celestial heck…??” And yet, thanks to today’s actual space-age technology (not the K-Tel kind that broke on day two), I can now create my own gloriously cheesy album tribute. Somewhere, a K-Tel executive just got a tingling sensation and doesn’t know why.

Fair warning: these playlists contain enough sexual innuendo to power an entire season of “Three’s Company.” I thought about suggesting a drinking game where you sip every time a metaphor “pops up” (and they will pop up), but then I realized you’d be unconscious—tout suite. Better stick to popcorn unless you want to boogie your way into the ER.

Anyway, my booty has a groove thing to attend to, so I’m gonna boogie on out of here. Catch you jive turkeys on the flip side…and remember to stay funky and fresh.

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1.) December 1963, Oh What a Night	The Four Seasons
2.) You Make Me Feel Like Dancing	Leo Sayer
3.) Shine a Little Love	Electric Light Orchestra
4.) Shake Your Groove Thing	Peaches & Herb
5.) Get Down Tonight	KC & the Sunshine Band
6.) Boogie Oogie Oogie	A Taste of Honey
7.) Boogie Nights	Heatwave
8.) Blame It on the Boogie	The Jacksons
9.) Stayin’ Alive	Bee Gees
10.) Ring My Bell	Anita Ward
11.) Disco Inferno	The Trammps
12.) Shadow Dancing	Andy Gibb
13.) Night Fever	Bee Gees
14.) September	Earth, Wind & Fire
15.) I’m Your Boogie Man	KC & the Sunshine Band
16.) Heart of Glass	Blondie
17.) Bad Girls	Donna Summer
18.) Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough	Michael Jackson