Thor of the Ozarks

Alias: Agent Meow-07
Age: 5 (but eternally dignified)
Occupation: Senior Feline Overseer / Freelance Intelligence Operative (NDA pending)
Location: The Ozarks Church of Nature and Magical Food Forest

Profile:
Meet Thor — the sleek, shadowy sentinel in a tuxedo who watches over the Ozarks with the calm authority of a seasoned diplomat and the paws of a sumo wrestler. At a solid “hefty and lethal,” Thor is the undisputed senior statesman of the 13-cat council, known affectionately as “The Claw-binet.”

Though he never sired kittens himself, patriarchal vibes radiate off him like sunbeams on a windowsill. He’s more of a godfather than a father, really — protective, measured, and always five steps ahead of the chaos. Especially if that chaos involves a squirrel (or chipmunk).

He patrols his domain with the precision of a seasoned MI6 operative. While we can’t confirm anything officially (he is under an airtight non-disclosure agreement), his frequent night excursions and disdain for small talk have raised many a tail… er, eyebrow. We suspect he’s been involved in at least three covert operations and one garden gnome recovery mission.

Style-wise, Thor is always red carpet ready — tuxedo crisp, whiskers on point, eyes filled with the ancient secrets of the cat gods. He is, without question, a sharp dressed man — though occasionally also a sharp lover. Cuddles with him are a gamble: one minute you’re blessed, the next you’re bandaging.

Despite his James Bond résumé, Thor is a creature of deep, feline ritual. His favorite moment of the day? A majestic nap atop the cat tree in the kitty room, where he reclines like a Roman emperor at rest, one paw draped over the ledge, eyes half-lidded in judgment.

Respected by all — cats, dogs, chickens, humans — Thor commands reverence not through noise, but through presence. He has a dry, subtle wit and his loyalty to the Ozarks Church of Nature and Magical Food Forest is unshakable.

Long may he loaf, long may he lead.
We are endlessly grateful for his service, side-eye, and occasional cuddles (with or without claws). Here’s to many more years of Thor — the tuxedoed thundercat of the Ozarks.