Alias: The Empress of Aloof
Title: Elder Female of the Ozarks Church of Nature and Magical Food Forest
Age: Timeless, with a gaze that has seen galaxies form and crumble
Notable Roles:
– Mother of Venus
– Grandmother to a feline dynasty
– Patron Saint of “Not Today, Human”
Profile:
Behold Neptune, the stormy blue soul of the Ozarks feline collective — a cat who does not ask for respect, she assumes it’s already been given.
Born into a celestial litter of six, Neptune has outlived her siblings Pluto, Jupiter, and Mercury, emerging as the lone surviving force of interplanetary sass. Like her namesake, she is deep, mysterious, powerful, and prone to tsunamis if approached uninvited…except…
Shortly after Venus’ birth, a sick and struggling stray named Uri arrived. Without ceremony or complaint, Neptune nursed him as her own. No fuss. No announcement. Just pure, instinctive nurturing from a heart buried deep beneath her thorny defenses.
Yes, Neptune is grumpy. Yes, she hisses like she’s auditioning for an exorcism.
But don’t you dare doubt her capacity for love.
Neptune’s legacy is vast.
Though she bore just one kitten, that single act birthed a bloodline — Venus, whose name alone conjures visions of beauty, fertility, and, let’s be real, drama. Through Venus, Neptune’s influence flows through a dozen grandkittens like some divine matrilineal ley line. In short: She is the source.
Yet, Neptune is not one for gatherings. She is anti-social in the most noble, ancient sense — the way a mountain is anti-social, or a volcano. Not because she lacks warmth, but because she guards it fiercely. If you are one of the lucky chosen — on the rare day Neptune bestows you with affection — it’s like watching a glacier crack to reveal a hidden spring.
Long may she reign in shadow and silence, Neptune — the grumpy goddess of the Ozarks Church of Nature and Magical Food Forest.
We see you. We love you. From a safe, respectful distance.
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